Our last two results have been shocking, the match engine is a joke.

I have now told the players there are no tactics involved, all they have to do is their simple jobs.

No more clouding their very very simple minds with Minimise defeat, settle for draw, play to win etc. Their little brains cant take it anymore.

I have promised them though if they can keep to their tasks I will install a tyre swing for them at the training ground.

Our new non-nonsense tactics are:

GK to save any shots on goal

Defenders to tackle anyone getting too close to goal.

Midfielders to pass to the Strikers.

Strikers to score goals.

What could be simpler???


If they still fail then there will be a massive clear out end of season.

Ouch just woken up with a bump on my head, last thing I remember was checking the result of our last... oh.

... I have no idea how my Cambridge side is doing as well as it's doing... but I'm not going to complain!

Somehow, our 29 year old striker is fourth top scorer in the League, my 34 year old keeper has got 7 clean sheets and a youth player has managed to pick up 9 assists!

I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping this good run continues for long enough for us to secure our safety!

Sorry Dragontao but after your defensive masterclass at our stadium we kidnapped your entire defence that kept out 18 shots.

Truthfully we learnt nothing though and suffered another 1-0 defeat.

Next up a 1-0 away defeat to The Villains.

But we have signed a new defender, this one has an IQ in double figures, so maybe just maybe he can captain the team.

Lady luck smiled on Stroke City today as they faced Seaburn Beach in the cup.

Unfortunately for Strood City it was her time of the month and she was a spiteful cow.

After Strood took the lead things were looking good then their DM decided he wanted to get home early to watch In the Night Garden on Cbeebies. So he got himself sent off in the 60th minute.

The remaining 10 players rallied together to clinch a famous cup victory but after the Strood keeper was distracted by a butterfly in the 85th minute Seaburn equalized.

Stroods RM received a text in the break before extra time from the sent of DM telling him he was missing a great episode of In the night garden.

So in the first minute of extra time the RM received his second yellow card and left the game to catch the end of their favourite program.

With 9 men in extra time Stroke fought bravely but could not find a way through.

Final result 1-1, time for penalties, and with Lady Luck now laughing hysterically Strood lost the shootout 4-2.

When the BBC caught up with the Strood manager he had this to say:

These f#£%@#£ %&£#s, absolute horse£#%&, now £%#@ off and leave me alone, £#@%&!!!!

In the press conference after the match, the Seaburn Beach manager was informed of the Strood City manager comments. He stroked his chin and said, "That's football."

When pressed for more reaction, he had this to say:

"Sometimes, luck evens itself out over the course of a season. In a home league match against the same opponent, we managed 18 shots to not very many and drew 0-0. That game felt like a defeat. Thankfully, this draw felt like a victory. Perhaps that's because we won the penalty shoot-out? Who knows?

Also, I'd like to salute the new signing, Arsene Wenger. He did well today, though I still think he'd be better off playing without that long padded coat he likes to wear. It's something we'll work on in training."

The Strood City manager today responded to the comments made by the Seaburn Beach manager saying:

"I have the utmost respect for him, he is a great manager doing a great job. His team is on a great run at the moment and I hope we can do the same in the future."

When asked about the 0-0 against Liverpool City the Strood City manager had this to say:

"It is a very good result for us, Liverpool City are one of the best teams around. I believe we are the first team in the league this season not to concede against them, hopefully now our team can build on this result and get back to winning ways."

Next up we are away to Spirit Squad and we need three points, it will be a tough game but I have promised our players some Haribo and the promise to take them to see the Power Rangers if they get all three points."

26 games down and my Cambridge side have already beaten their points total from last season - fingers crossed that means another season in League 1!

We've definitely got some more work to do before we can start challenging for Europe, but it looks like we're starting to cement ourselves as a solid League 1 side.

Training Complex Level 10 Complete!!!

No stopping us now.

Jut another couple months for the Youth centre to be completed.

Two defeats in two games. It never rains but it pours. That's only the 41 shots I've had against Strood this season, with one goal scored. They had eight in one match and scored three goals. Ridiculous.

Precision shooting from the Strood City strikers sees them beat Seaburn Beach 3-1 at home and keeps their top 4 dreams alive.

When asked for a response from the Seaburn Beach managers comments, The Strood City manager had this to say:

"I understand his frustration, to have have that many shots and only score one goal it is shocking, but credit to our keeper he played very very well and the whole defence did their job restricting the opposition strikers to longs shots.

As a great manager once told me "Sometimes, luck evens itself out over the course of a season".

If we keep playing as we are then the top 4 is a real possibility, we should be challenging in Europe and will be hopefully very soon."

Praise be to god/allah we actually won a match woah i forgot how that feels

For those who think I'm over reacting I invite you to look at my recent match history page and you'll see the 1 victory in the entire page todays win

Precision shooting? Lol.

It sounded better than lucky.