Championnat de Angleterre saison 19
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Season 64 (105)
Is it that time again already? All my money has gone, so I guess it must be!
A home game against the reigning champions gets my season started....oh well, at least it will be a full ground!
Good luck to all.....you can do it BakerMan!
Welcome to Arsenal again. The only change in personnel following the big boys' success in the relegation playoffs.
The Wonderbras are back! A rejuvenated Dragontao at the helm? We can but hope.
My dreams of strengthening the squad are currently just that: dreams. We've searched up and down the land, overseas and behind the back of the sofa, but there's just overpriced rubbish and/or players with ludicrously high wages that would have my latest accountant wading into the sea. There's still a few days left and maybe something will fall into place. But, for now, it's same old, same old.
I'll set up a Friendly Cup and get the KCC up and running for this season too. Completely forgot until now!
Well the traditional curtain raiser is less than an hour away.
Will offloading 250m of talent affect my team and produce an inevitable loss.
Almost certainly.
My tip for the league this year - Seaburn, but with Cardiff running them close.
A 6-0 win for the mighty Beach, but Seaburn's GK was bizarrely man of the match as Jaypridee couldn't find the net (well, not at the right end anyway...). Seaburn eschewed the chance to blood some youngsters, focusing instead on the chance to win a trophy that the majority of managers in this league probably couldn't care less about.
Reports from the recruitment team in Seaburn are that a major signing is not imminent and may well not arrive at any point. The physio has however been seen heading to the scout's office to treat a member of the team for RSI due to excessive clicking.
After selling a truck load of PS5's on eBay, Canvey Island made a couple of bargain purchases and are confident that they can qualify for Europe again.
"If we can win one game in Europe this year, finish in the top 6 and retain the Canvey Cup, it will be a success" mumbled manager Alex Seymour to nobody in particular.
Well, it all kicked off in Yorkshire. Roy Race, good to his word, sacked Monk as he failed to qualify for Europe. Local Scammondonians beseiged Roy's house pleading and threatening him to reinstate Monk. Roy replied that was only going to happen if the supporters bought the club for £10 million.
A few whiprounds later and the cash was transferred to Roy's account and we now have the return of the Scammonden Scumbags, a fan owned football club.
Said new chairman Seth Norcliffe, "We are delighted as we have been frustrated by all this tippy tappy football we have seen lately. There's nothing we like to see more in Scammonden than a long ball hoofed lovingly into the opposition box onto the forehead of a local lad the size of a brick outhouse. The future has arrived."
"Monk is reinstated as manager and unavailable for comment, but we do stress that Scammonden Scumbags are denying any truth in reports of a fourteen year old local supporter remanded in custody with the fraudulant accruing of £10 million of funds from the local HSBC Bank. We are sure that this is merely a problem with their computer system, after all technology goes wrong all the time, doesn't it?" smiled Seth.
Our aim this season? European football again.
The Wonderbras are indeed back. Support will be good at the newly sponsored Underwire stadium.
Looking to at least progress in the cups, having made some significant purchases in the transfer window, which should at least see the club avoid sagging at the foot of the table like last season.
In a heated press conference after the 6-0 drubbing by Seaburn, BakerMan surprisingly expressed confidence in his team for the new season. When asked he said 'I'm confident for the new season'.
When quizzed further by the assembled hacks he shouted 'Just because we lost 6-0 doesn't mean it was a bad performance. We tried out 3 youngsters at half time, then Subrata had to go off injured so we were down to 10, one of the young guys gave away a penalty and he'll learn from that and Luipa was playing his first game at centre back after spending the last 2 seasons in midfield, so just got confused where he was on the pitch when he scored that own goal. We still managed 21 shots, their goalie just saved them all. You're all a bunch ******* who know nothing about real football'. He then stormed out to face a fan protest about the sale in the off season of defensive mainstay and fan favourite Bobby Criss.
Turbulent times are predicted...
Mr Tao has indeed made some good purchases. Last night it was just the two of us in a bidding war for a midfielder. I bid max and went to bed having 70% chance of winning and feeling confident as Dragontao never wins anything, not even a bidding war. This morning I awake to the message that he's signed for the Wonderbras as there are more people his age. The run of bad luck is over for Dragontao. I feel this is a dawn of a new era.
The 4-1 opening day home defeat suggests my luck in the transfer market may not signal an upturn in fortunes elsewhere.
Alex - the Canvey Cup?? Is that every season? I will have to tell the lads to try harder.
The annual Pixels Family Day event coincided with today's home game against Seaburn, so the 50 travelling fans that suffered the 300 mile journey suffered even more when they witnessed a lot of cousin-on-cousin action on the Kiss Cam jumbotron at half-time.
After going 3:1 up, the Seaburn fans started to mock the home fans' bad haircuts and lack of fashion sense, and were met with a loud response of "you'll never make the station!" - which considering the station is 4 miles from the ground is hardly a Nostradamus-like prediction.
The away fans that had chosen to drive, made a hasty departure but got confused at the ridiculously large Sadlers Farm roundabout and ended up driving back to Canvey....much to the delight of the pitchfork waving locals.
I hope they didn't grab a snack from the Canvey Kebab House as they left. It's come to our attention that a batch of the doners had gone off. It's a long way back to Seaburn, especially if you're struggling to keep your arse cheeks together.
Don't worry lads, the Seaburn ultras exist only on ham and pease pudding stotties and beer stored from the long-defunct Vaux brewery. Probably they should be dead by now and some speculate that they are, in fact, immortal. No one talks of the ultras who used to travel to all the away matches but have mysteriously disappeared over the years.
Seaburn today announced a new signing, the Seychelles international GK, Malepa. The fee is in excess of £180m, shortly after an organ donation drive meant that the club could guarantee payment of his wages for the next two seasons.
At the unveiling, Stephen announced, "Malepa is a quality player and we hope he is the final piece of the puzzle. That's mostly because we can't afford any other pieces of puzzle.
I'd also like to scotch rumours that we are offloading anyone. That idling car outside is definitely not there to bundle one of our existing keepers into."
In other news, the coastguard called off a search for Seaburn's accountant, who was last seen wading into the sea fully dressed in business attire.
Stephen - he's an impressive keeper (has to be with those wages). You might be the new favourite to win the league!
