Numpty >> sabtu januari 29 - 23:06

Meanwhile Numpty has added an accountant to the team running the Hornets. 

He interviewed very well but was at a loss to explain the seaweed in his hair and the damp patch he left behind when he vacated the chair was a little worrying ... interviews can be pretty scary, but even so. 

Despite this small concern he will be an excellent addition to the management team who currently consist mostly of actuaries - any major club decisions are made after careful risk analysis. He will join the reserving team. There is still a vacancy for an investment banker. 

When asked when he planned to actually employ some football coaches and get promoted, Numpty changed the subject and mumbled something  about money, Brexit, Christmas parties, Putin and Biden...

Monk >> selasa pebruari 1 - 19:04

Bish, bash, bosh. Wallop.

4 goals in the first 35 minutes against a downhearted We Lost and the Scumbag's season is underway. Who's next? Jaypriday at home. Oh. We'll give it our best shot. 
Team average ratings suggest that we are tenth best in the league. Getting that 7th place Euro spot might be a big ask, but we've got our sights set on that. 

Alex Seymour >> rabu pebruari 2 - 23:25

While the excitement is brewing on one half of Canvey Island (with the dawn of champions league football in Essex), I was shocked to find that I'm ranked 118th in Europe...despite my only rummage in continental football being one game and two nil-nil draws.

https://rockingsoccer.com/en/soccer/ranking/clubcoefficients/3?select=1

Not sure what this says about the standard of European football.

Lee >> kamis pebruari 3 - 12:59

Alex - it's just another example of today's society rewarding failure. :)

Numpty >> kamis pebruari 3 - 13:22

The European ranking is obviously based on the reputation of all teams on Canvey Island. 

Stephen >> kamis pebruari 3 - 15:12

Don't belittle the European rankings, chaps. Seaburn are 5th so they must be 100% accurate. Never won either of the competitions or even made a final, but all you need is a track record of mediocrity to make headway!

Alex Seymour >> jum'at pebruari 4 - 22:17

To celebrate Canvey's historic first Champions League win (3-1) over the current Danish league champions FC Retards, you can buy a single pack of Danish bacon at the local branch of Icelands downtown and get 3 packs free*

* while stocks last

Lee >> sabtu pebruari 5 - 05:10, telah di sunting minggu pebruari 6 - 19:14

Nice work Alex - good luck in the 2nd leg.

UPDATE****UPDATE****

It took extra-time and a lot of nail-biting but the Island boys have made it to the playoffs! Does this mean they've jumped 50 spots in the European ranking?!

Stephen >> senin pebruari 7 - 16:34

Well done Alex. You have a difficult, but winnable tie in the playoff. It looks bad on the pure star value, but with a little bit of luck and some know how there could be CL group stage football in Canvey! At worst you drop into the EL. Financially, that's a lot worse of course but it's still better than a kick in the nads.

Stephen >> senin pebruari 7 - 19:02, telah di sunting senin pebruari 7 - 20:54

6-0, 6-1, 6-2... 6-3? Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen!

EDIT: 6-2 it was. Seaburn did their bit, but you can never rely on anything in life from Newcastle. There are no exceptions to this rule.

Alex Seymour >> selasa pebruari 8 - 02:44

I think my Champions League dream is over. The scout is returning on average a 2-0 loss at home. Not even looked at the away game yet. These guys were UEFA cup finalists last year and hammered Cardiff City 6-2 in the semis.

Europa League will be fun to be in, so at least there is that.

Numpty >> selasa pebruari 8 - 10:49

0-0 it was then!

What do those scouts know? Keep fighting Alex, you're still in it. 

Blackwhite >> selasa pebruari 8 - 15:18

@ Stephen : you have to play tennis with these scores...

Monk >> rabu pebruari 9 - 19:14

Scammonden Scumbags club statement.

Like all members of the public, we are horrified to see instagram pictures of player Antoine Veci happily swatting flies in the home dressing room. The club does not condone this behaviour and Veci will be fined two weeks wages,will not play in the next two matches and will attend a humanitarian course addressing the value of all insect life. The club will erect a plaque in the dressing room as a memorial to the deceased and all fly swattng equipment will be removed from the premises. 

Alex Seymour >> rabu pebruari 9 - 23:18

Same thing happened at the Canvey Kebab House.