The lights flash and music start’s as Natsumi makes her way to press conference to a mixed reaction, some adoring fans crying for interviews others booing the former pop princess and current manager of Spirit Squad, despite this she keeps her head held high making her way through the corridors with poise and confidence every step slow and purposeful, savouring ever flash of camera and looking as glamorous as ever in a long sleeveless two pierce purple dress, entering the room this time without her assistant and coaching staff she takes her seat and begins taking questions.

Question 1: With no win’s in 5 now what do you think is going wrong?

Natsumi would smile and shake her head slowly before answering “To be honest John, we meeting our primary targets, our league form could be better and dropping two points in the final moments of our last home game against Winchester was unpleasant but we actually playing some good football and I’m not worried”

Question 2: About your goals, is the cup competitions still the main focus?

Natsumi smirks, and nods her head “It is John, we doing well in the youth cup and had quite a battle in the first cup match, I’m looking forward to our match tonight against Robin Hoodies, we’ve not had a completive match against Cloughie’s team for a long time, it’d be a good experience for the player’s a atmosphere at Sherwood forest is always lively and I expect a hard fought victory.

Question 3: You’ve been supporting your youth players giving them start’s in the first 11, but some fan’s are unhappy that some of the more experienced player’s like Yok have been side-lined what’s Yok’s future at the club?

Natsumi would draw in a deep breathe before sighing softly, she seemed reluctant to answer at first before speaking really bluntly and earnestly ‘Yok’s not got a future at this club, his reached the stage in his career that his skills are declining, his simply not at the level we want and is too old to be expected to last, we have many player’s fighting for a place in our team but progress requires us to lower the average age of our players. 29 and below 10 stars in overall value is not good enough not if we truly want to be a contender for Europe in the future

Q: Stephen, you've taken 6 points off your city rivals Apocalypse City, this season. You must be delighted with that?
A: Well, I'm pleased for the fans. They've stuck by us through thick and thin, though it's been mostly thin in the last few seasons.
Q: What did you make of the scenes at the end of the match where it seemed like sandwiches were being thrown onto the pitch by Seaburn Beach fans?
A: I think they were prawn sandwiches, Brian. It's all to do with a remark that the Apocalypse City manager made at the start of the season about the fans of Seaburn Beach being part of the prawn sandwich brigade. I think they were taking the opportunity to respond to him with their actions. Obviously, I don't condone this sort of behaviour.
Q: Then, I have to ask why you were seen doubled over with laughter?
A: Erm... Oh yeah. I'd remembered a funny joke someone had told me earlier.
Q: Would you like to share this with us, Stephen?
A: No. This interview is over.

Wow, this thread is fun!

In response to seaburn beaches accusations manager dale slater angrily retorted in a rafa style rant:
"Fact! Yes my fans did throw sandwiches at them"
"Fact! They were prawn cocktail crisp sandwiches as their giro money can't afford real ones!
"Fact! The packets were checked for that little v so not to offend Steves vegetarian supporters"
"Fact! Apocalypse city will only have pickled onion space raiders left thanks to the beach"

Then camply strutted out of the interview.

lol, Dale.

Q. Stephen, you have chosen to attend this press conference dressed as a priest. What's going on?
A. Well, Brian, it's simple really. Seaburn Beach need to win an extremely difficult away match and have a series of increasingly implausible results go in their favour. So, I reckon we could do with all the help we could get.
Q. So, you're hoping for, er, divine intervention?
A. Frankly, yes. My tactics are to whack it up to the big man - that's God, not Wole Diamacoune - and hope that he can work his magic. If you would light a candle on your way out and offer up a prayer, that'd be great.

Q. Stephen, congratulations, you've done it.
A. Brian, I love you. I love the team, I love the fans, I love football. Come here, give us a kiss!
Q. Urgh... Get off me. And now back to the studio. Help...

Hi. This is Sissy Redhead reporting. I am at the Monastery, home of the Scammonden Daoists, super kung fu monks and second rate footballers. I have asked for a meeting with Monk, manager of the team but have been told that he is in a deep meditation after the Daoists' failure to make the play offs again. Instead I get to meet the Abbot, head of the Monastery and its football club. This is indeed a great honour for me...and here he comes now." She whispers to herself- 'Keep it together Sissy, don't get drawn in by those devastating good looks.'

Sissy: "Afternoon Abbot. It is wonderful to meet you and an honour to be welcomed into your inner sanctum here at the Monastery."

Abbot: "Thank you Sissy. I hope the favour can be returned some time and I get to visit your inner sanctum too."

Sissy (Visibly reddens) "Ooh, yes. That would be lovely I am sure. Can I clarify that I am limited to just seven questions?"

Abbot: "That is correct."

Sissy:"Is that to coincide with the Monastery's belief in the seven Daoist treasures?"

Abbot smiles:"Again, correct. Very good. You have done your research very well. Now, what is your third question?"

Sissy: "Oh, er....." She shuffles through her papers, throws two away and then asks "Another season in league 1 ends in failure. How disappointed do you feel about that?"

Abbot: "On the contrary Sissy, I am delighted with our progress this season. Another top ten league 2 finish, establishing us in that league as well as a quarter final cup appearance and third in the under 21 league 2. For us that is progress and I am delighted with that."

Sissy: "So what is the future for the Daoists, Abbot?"

Abbot: "The future is the nurturing of our talents. The youth team are the only future the Monks have. When they mature, then if there are no youths to replace them in time then the existence of the Monastery itself will be in doubt. It is the same with your talents Sissy. Once you have developed your journalistic skills then you must find your new shoots of growth and nurture those accordingly. It is a never-ending process."

Sissy: "So you'll only be buying youth in the window then?"

Abbot: "Yes. And no. It is not good to be too yin or too yang. One must strive for a balance of the two. I expect Monk to buy both youth talent and strengthen the team at the same time. It is his job to work out how to do that."

Sissy: (Sighs) "Thank you for the interview Abbot. I am very grateful for your time. May I buy you lunch tonight?"

Abbot: "You are welcome and of course you may. I will have my best three piece cassock specially washed and ironed for the occasion. You are aware that that was only six questions, aren't you?"

Sissy: (Gives the Abbot her best sultry look and tosses her hair as she leaves) "I am Abbot. I'm saving that seventh question for after our meal. Just maybe I'll share with you a few treasures of my own!"