Numpty >> thursday june 24 - 15:09, Edited thursday june 24 - 15:10

Amongst all this talk about the title race we have a delicious titbit from Lee about him getting spankings from Stephen! 

I've lived a sheltered life and need to know if this is normal practice between managers before contemplating promotion ... and if so will we need to buy some PPE?

Monk >> thursday june 24 - 15:27

Given that Seaburn give most teams a spanking, maybe Stephen should rename his team the Seaburn Spankers. It might give a little ammunition for opposition fans, such as 'Seaburn really are a team of spankers', that sort of thing. Maybe on second thoughts, keep it as it is.

Alex Seymour >> thursday june 24 - 16:55

Big Canvey derby this afternoon. Or 'el clásico' as it's known around these parts. Despite UEFA axing away goals rule, it still stands in the Canvey Cup.

Canvey Island managed 2-2 away at the Pixels, so a 0-0 or 1-1 returns the coveted prize back to our empty trophy cabinet.

If it goes to 2-2 the cup is decided by a fight outside the Kebab House.

Lee >> thursday june 24 - 20:19

Alex - I think my team filled up on kebabs before the derby........the tinpot cup is all yours - it's at the dump somewhere. :)

Stephen >> thursday june 24 - 20:35, Edited thursday june 24 - 21:05

@Lee - sorry to hear that. I don't suppose your first team is so demoralised you're having to play the kids in your final match of the season?

Alex Seymour >> thursday june 24 - 21:43

You should be fine Stephen. If his players have been at the Canvey Kebab House, as suspected, they could be out for weeks. E-coli isn't something to be sniffed at.

Dragontao >> friday june 25 - 14:58

So the title comes down to the very last match of the season.

BakerMan >> friday june 25 - 18:35

Rimours are the Townies (as no-one calls our fans) will be at Canvey in force to welcome the Seaburn team coach before the match after sampling some of the fine ales said to be available in the local hostelries...

Stephen >> friday june 25 - 20:02

Seaburn Beach have been training with the Abbot, the former owner of the Scammonden Daoists and current head of the Caxito Daoists, ahead of their end of season clash against the Pixels. Training has included meditation (to deal with the nerves), prayer (for the salvation of the immortal soul) and landscaping (to clear 5 acres of scrubland so the Abbot can have a new garden, including some complicated terracing and a water feature that also irrigates the kitchen garden).

The team has learnt some valuable lessons

1. Wear gloves when doing manual labour to prevent chafing
2. Apply sunblock to all parts of the body if doing manual labour for the Abbot. He will not be happy if his workforce are clothed except for gloves and football boots
3. The strategy for the match should be to give it to Addo
4. If step 3 isn't working, plan B is to give it to Addo

Time and money well spent, I think we can all agree.

Lee >> friday june 25 - 20:54, Edited friday june 25 - 23:55

I have to admit my team's preparation was a bit less thorough: we watched some movies, prepared cupcakes for the fans, browsed through holiday brochures..............and then I told them Addo was coming to town - half of them said 'who?', while the other half probably weren't listening.

I'm not expecting too much.

EDIT: Apparently playing 'minimise defeat' means only conceding 4 goals in the first half hour........I'm glad I didn't 'play to win'!

Congratulations Stephen......and sorry BakerMan.

Stephen >> saturday june 26 - 06:45

That was an electrifying start for Seaburn Beach. Addo in the first minute, then they just kept going. In the end, a comfortable win. (I've avoided the word 'spanking' as it seemed to get Numpty a bit hot under the collar earlier in this thread!)

It seems like the Abbot knows what he's doing. I'm going to have to see whether he's available for some sort of Director of Football role.

What a crazily tight season though. 38 games and it's decided on goal difference? Don't know if that's happened before in the league. Tightest battle I've been involved in, that's for sure.

Commiserations to @Bakerman. You put up a really strong fight and I was getting worried when you won that away game at Cardiff. Your time will surely come.

BakerMan >> saturday june 26 - 07:08, Edited saturday june 26 - 07:22

Little tiny bit gutted that an undefeated 106 point season with a goal difference of +98 wasn't enough to win the title. Congrats Stephen - after our draw I looked at your fixtures and couldn't see where you'd drop points and you didn't. Quite surprised I didn't.

Overall, the lads will take the positives out of the season of no trophies again.

Think the problem was our fans enjoyed the hostelries too much and went to Canvey island's stadium instead. They aren't the brightest, but they're loyal...

Numpty >> saturday june 26 - 08:27

Congrats @Stephen. Hopefully being pushed so close makes the season that bit more interesting than just cruising to the title. 

I have to say what an excellent effort by @Bakerman and being 'gutted' is entirely justified. How can you remain undefeated with only 4 draws and not win the title? Crazy.

Dragontao >> saturday june 26 - 11:41

Turns out my Striker's penalty miss in the 2-1 home defeat against Seaburn could have been crucial, with the seeming ease with which Seaburn brushed most opponents aside.

Numpty >> saturday june 26 - 15:41

* Breaking News *

Matt Hancock (Health Secretary) applies for the position of Director of Health at Seaburn Beach. Apparently attracted by the promise of getting some good spankings.