Monk >> thursday october 12 - 05:50

AN OPEN LETTER TO LEE, MANAGER OF THE CANVEY PIXELS.

Dear Lee,

It has come to our attention that you have disputed your inclusion in the list of top ten clubs never to have won either the league title or the cup on the grounds that you did win the Kezza Commemoration Cup. We have investigated your claims fully, comprehensively and inexhaustibly and have concluded that you should be removed from the list as indeed the aforementioned KCC is a Trophy of the highest magnitude and far harder to win than the European Champions League, predominantly hinging on the argument that you have to be English to enter it and that makes it impossible for most clubs in rocking soccer to even get close to lifting it. As previous winners ourselves we have rewritten out history and redesigned our museum accordingly. In response to your request for RSD100 million, firstly we do not deal in foreign currency,so have no idea how much that is in real money. We estimate that out must be worth around £5.84 considering the obvious superiority in the strength of the pound; nevertheless we have made a huge magnanimous gesture and sent a cheque to the value of £1,000 so that you can all have a great piss up, relive the magnificent moment that you lifted the KCC and then we can forget all about the matter.

Yours in football,

Tamas Rakosi, Office manager,

Pp The Abbot

Lee >> thursday october 12 - 10:11

Mr. Rakosi,

After careful consideration we gratefully accept the £1000 and now consider the matter closed (we would have also accepted the £5.84).

The money will be used to buy umbrellas for our less-fortunate fans.

Warm regards,

Lee